I Deserve Some Credit

Me and Myles were talkin today, again, and he said that he likes Audra!  GREAT.  And you know what?  The other day Audra said that she thinks she likes him!  I have to give up on him but I don't want to!  I really do like him!  And I hated talking to him about Audra, it was awful.  It was basically hooking the guy that I like up with someone else.  And not just anyone else, one of my friends.  I think I deserve some credit here for being such a good person right now, but who ever notices when I do something right?!?!

Likes Me As A Friend

Today on MSN, I was talking to Taylor and Myles.  But wait, before that, at school Allie insisted and everything that Myles said that he liked me.  Well that he likes me.  So finally I believe her and I'm so happy.  I go on MSN and I'm talking to Taylor and Myles.  Taylor starts apologizing and saying how sorry he was for lying and all that stuff.  Then he was making me feel bad about liking Myles and everything.  Then with my convo with Myles I was talking about Taylor and somehow it came up and we were talking about how Ben said that Myles said he likes me and stuff.  Well, Myles told me he likes me as a friend!  :O :(  But...he said...but maybe more later!  :D  

And, Taylor kept saying stuff like "So, u & Myles?" and I had to say no, (as in, are we hookin up) and so then he's like "So, what about us?" He says he likes me.  (I don't know if I should believe him or not, but maybe I will just this last time).  He really does I think.  He said he didn't want to tell me that he had a girlfriend because he was afraid I'd quit liking him if I found out.  And he said that he broke up with her because of me!

I know I probably shouldn't just believe him and forgive him, but I am too nice.  I can't help it.  I think about other people's feelings more than I think about my own, and I HATE hurting peoples feelings so I try to avoid that as much as possible.  So, I guess I'm just gonna be good friends (that will maybe hook up someday) with Myles, and I don't know what will happen with Taylor...

God Got Me Drunk

Okay, things are better now.  I don't feel at all bad about liking Myles cause now Taylor knows that I know that he (Taylor) lied to me.  I don't like Taylor anymore, it was stupid of me to like him, but who wouldn't fall for it.  So now, things are starting to focus on Myles and I.  We actually get along pretty good, really good when I think about it.  Of course, we haven't known each other for very long yet but so far things seem good.  I don't need to think of what to say when I'm talking to him.

I was also talking to Ben and he told me to ask Myles out!  There's a dance on Friday!  I'm going, me and Allie are both going.  And so are Myles and Ben!  Whatta coinkey-dink.  Oh!  I really hope something good happens at the dance!  I really really hope.

I've been praying (I know this sounds dumb but listen) for a boyfriend for Christmas.  Usually if I don't do it too often, I get what I pray for.  I'm so serious!  I specifically remember begging and pleading god for a boyfriend (a cute one!) and (I did not ask for a good boyfriend) I got one (Joey) about a month later!  But he wasn't all I expected of a boyfriend to be.  He was immature and just acted really dumb so that relationship only lasted 2 weeks.  I wanted a 'french kiss' so bad because I'd never done it before and I prayed and prayed.  I was so desperate that I said "I don't care who, just get me one".   So, since god has his ways, he gave Joey back to me for one night (Winterfest) just for that purpose basically.  I prayed and prayed once more for another one (this one was this year) because it had been a long time and I forgot what it was like.  So, I so foolishly asked "I don't care how, just get me one".  So, god answered not only that prayer but another forgotten one on the night of Homecoming.  God got me drunk and gave me a guy that wanted to kiss me.  If I hadn't been in the state I was in, I would not have kissed this guy, so god sure knows how to get his prayers answered.  

But now I have learned.  The prayer I have been asking for a while now is "help me to get a good boyfriend. One that loves me and has good qualities, and before Christmas if possible.  I also ask for a (yes another) kiss, but this time I want it to really mean something.  I want it to happen pre-going-out and be really good to even more-so provoke or convince this guy to go out with me".   That is basically my prayer.  It's the first time I've ever really written about what I've been praying for.  Let's now pray that my prayer is answered!!

**Editors Note: At least I have a sense of humor about the whole prayer/religious thing!  I'm using it in the only way I know how, to make out with guys.  Nice one.**

I'm Like "What The Hell?!"

Geeeez!!  I'm so freekin confused right now!  I just got offline with Ben and Myles and Taylor.  First I was talking to Taylor, then he had to get off.  I was talkin to Ben a little bit, then Myles came on.  Myles knew about what me and Taylor talked about and he told me that Taylor DOES have a girlfriend!!  And I'm like "what the hell?!" because he just got finished telling me that they broke up a few days ago.  And Ben told me not to get too attached to Taylor cause he goes out with girls and dumps em in a few days.  That is not the kind of guy I want, and I really don't want a guy that lies to me.  And I am just so confused because everything is happening so fast and I'm so busy trying to get all the facts straight that I'm not even truly thinking about my feelings in the whole situation.  

I don't know how I feel about anything right now.  I mean, I don't know if Taylor is lying about all or just some things.  I don't know if he meant anything he said.  All I know is that this is all making me look very bad even though it is not my fault.  It makes me look bad because I just got finished "forgiving" or "making up" with Taylor and he's saying how much he likes me and everything and I fall for it and say I like him too.  I tell him that I don't like Myles (lie, but I figure it will fade if me and Taylor actually have something) and I say that I won't do anything with Myles (yet he also says he won't do stuff with other girls).  Then I find out from Myles that Taylor has a girlfriend named Amber, and Ben tells me that Taylor is telling people I'm his girlfriend (?!).  So at this point I'm mad.  

I'm talkin to Myles for a while and realize that if Taylor really does have a g/f then everything he said was a lie, so I tell Myles that I like him.  But at the beginning when I first got online, Ben asked me if I liked Myles and I had to say no because I had just got done telling Taylor that I didn't.  But now, I know all this stuff and I'm not liking Taylor too much at the moment but he does not know this!   He still thinks everything is all good between us but it obviously isn't.  So, now that I just spent 20 freekin minutes sorting this out, do you think I know what to do or how to feel yet?  Nope.  Guess I'll have to sleep on it!

**Editors Note: Are you dizzy yet?  Did you catch any of that?**

Doing Stuff

Ah!  I don't know what to do, or think or anything.  Last night, someone said that Taylor has a girlfriend and that made me kinda mad because he never told me and he always acts like he likes me.  Towards the end of the party me and Myles went into Chloe's room and were just sittin on the bed (just makin them think we were doing stuff) (but we weren't).  Then he said we should go in the closet and when they spy on us again they'll really get their imaginations carried away.  So he went in and I went over and turned off the light and was findin my way to the closet.  I got kind of in but then he just pulled me in right up close to him and he had his arms around me.  We just sat down like that and then Noah and Chloe burst in and turned on the light (like we knew they would) and were like "woah!  Lets join!" but they didn't.  Instead they shut the lights back off and closed the door!  Everyone in the living room is all wondering what's going on.  And poor Taylor is in there, extremely jealous (because it turns out he does not have a girlfriend!).  Anyway, back to today.

I got online today and I was talking to Taylor and I was trying to convince him that me and Myles didn't do anything.  We were talking about all sorts of stuff, and it was actually a really good conversation.  Then we said we agreed to not do stuff with other people, only with each other.  And he's like "so it's kind of like we're going out, only not" and so we kind of are in a way, like to each other.  But the whole problem is that I like Myles!  But I like Taylor!  I cannot have both!  And I just basically committed myself to Taylor even though I kinda have a thing for Myles also.  I know the right thing to do, I just hope I can follow through with it!

**Editors Note: OMG Why.  Teenage drama is so strange!  Right??  Oh and when I say doing stuff I basically mean making out and that is it.  I was innocent.**

Lil Partay

Woah!  I haven't written in a long time.  I just got back from Noah's party.  It was fun.  Boring some of the time, fun most?  Yep, we had a good time.  The people there were Chloe, Noah, Ben, Taylor, Myles, Greg, Audra, Claire and Me.  Allie came for like the last half hour of it.  We just filled up our hot tub today :).  Thinkin bout havin a lil partay!  Haha.  Funness.

It's Very Cute

Today was competition!  It was so much fun, and so cool to see all the other teams.  We didn't win, but we still did really good.  Our first b-ball game is December 5th.  That will be cool, fun!  We're doing the competition routine at it.  I think that people will really like it, it's very cute.  Bowling on Friday was fun.  We had a blast!

P.S. Help, I'm failing math!!!!

That Means New President

Friday is the Pizza & Bowling party for Poms, so I can't go with Taylor (but he said he'll go anyway just so he can see me)!  We talked again tonight and had a really good talk.  We got our report cards today.  I got a 3.48 (3.5)!

Creative Writing - A

Computers - A- (or B+, I forgot)

Algebra 2 - B-

English - A

Student Aide - S

So that's pretty good.  Election day was today.  That means new president!  Byebye Clinton, hello Bush?  Gore?  Someone else??   We'll see!

**Editors Note: Oh god!  Beginning of the downward spiral of Bush in office!  Blarf.**

Talkin On The Internet

Bad day Friday.  I have to sit out for competition!  I tried not to at first, but I cried.  Allie gave me a big hug, so did Claire.  I'm kinda getting over it now...

But I have something to keep me happy...Taylor!  We've been talkin on the internet.  I just got done talkin to him, we had a really good talk.  He wants to go bowling this Friday.  Hopefully we will!  I like him...and he likes me too.  Hopefully something will happen.  Hey, they say that something good will always come after a bad thing...well, I got cut from competition, but now the good thing happens...Taylor! :)  We would make a cute couple, that's what everyone says.  I hope we will!  Well, gotta go to bed!

IM List

This morning when I checked my email, a thing popped up telling me that "punk_rock_360" (or whatever) has added me to their IM list, would I like to accept, and I clicked yes, even though I didn't know who it was.  In 2nd hour, Claire comes in with a big smile on her face and she says "somebody likes you!" and then she said that it was Taylor, Chloe's cousin.  He was at the dance.  And she said that he added me to his IM list and I was like "oh!  That's who it was!"  And it's a good thing I clicked yes!  Anyway, she told me I should go on the Internet at about 7:30 and he will be on.  So I did and he was and we talked for about an hour.  He's nice, and he's really flirty.  He's going to the Activity Night tomorrow, and so am I.  He's going because I'm going!  How cute!  Cuts for competition are tomorrow.  YIKES!